Unfortunately, shame is one of the most sinister villains ever known to mankind, and it comes straight from Satan. Don't confuse shame with guilt, which is a gift from God. Guilt is a hopeful emotion based on truth. It is hopeful, because God has equipped us instinctively to know that when we own and "confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9) We can move past the past and change, ashamed and guilty no longer. Shame, on the other hand, is so sinister, because it comes from a satanic lie rooted deeply within us that we are broken, defective, and can never be made right. So, even though God has forgiven us, we cower in our prison of shame, trying to live down our pasts and protect with our lives any unsavory or regretful fact of our past. The shame attacks keep us from walking into the full and blessed future Christ died to make possible for us, even though we are forgiven.
If you are a shame-struggler, trying desperately to hide from people where you have been in life or mistakes you have made, if you are afraid for people to know the real you because they would reject you, if you live your life behind a mask, feeling unworthy, you know that every time God puts a great opportunity in front of you, the voices in your shame cell start talking. "You truly are a loser." "You screw everything up." "How could you be so stupid?" "You are trash." "It will never change for you."You may even get physically ill and sleep through your opportunity.
God wants you to break free. He sees you forgiven and fresh. He is ready to partner with you in fulfilling your dreams. Here are just a couple of ways to get started on the path to the future Christ already paid for:
Get courageous and make contact. The only way to move past that desire to hide and cower is to respect who you are and what Christ has done for you by sharing your experiences with someone who loves you. Make sure you don't tell the whole world--not because it's too shameful, but because our Facebook/Twitter world is full of shame-filled people who get their momentary sense of self-worth by rejecting and judging others. Tell it only to a person who has earned the right to hearing it by loving you just as you are.
Give yourself the same kindness and respect you give others you really love. If someone you really love was feeling the hurt and shame you are feeling, you wouldn't yell at them and say, "What a loser you are! Shame on you! You will never change!" Isn't it incredible that we talk to ourselves in ways we would not on our worst day talk to others? You would comfort that person with kindness and encouragement. You would say. "It's OK. You're human. You are trying. Everyone makes mistakes. You can get this right. Just get up and keep going. I am with you." Don't give yourself any less.
Own your story. Your experiences have made you who you are, and who you are is someone God loves deeply and wants to use. Thank of that! When you bury your pain, hurts, mistakes, trauma, it gets poisonous in you, and the infection destroys your future and your relationships. When I was writing GRACE AND TRUTH, an editor wanted to drop out the two chapters on marriage and parenting. I knew they were vital, and I knew I OWNED my story, so I had the right to write it. So I objected and the editor kept them. They are 2 of 3 chapters receiving the most kudos for being helpful. You can only WRITE the next chapters of your story if you OWN your story to this point. Carl Jung said, "I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become." Jesus said it even better, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." II Corinthians 5:17
Grab the ladder and get out of the shame hole. "When the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future." Shame thrives on secret-keeping. That's why the old mantra of health says, "You're only as sick as your secrets." Jesus knows you inside and out, your past, present, and future. And he thought you were worth dying for and living through. Come on...the cell door is open. Walk out.
(And just for free...don't ever tell a child, "Shame on you." They get enough shame heaped on them just by being a member of the human race, God's adored children whom Satan hates with vengeance. Don't do his work for him. Lovingly confront your child when he or she has done wrong, but make sure you show them that guilt is God's path to forgiveness. Forgive them quickly. Psalm 103 tells us that God does not treat us as our sins deserve, Don't be harder on your children than God is on you.)
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