Fight the Good Fight!

Paul famously urged us to fight the good fight. But the letter to his young son in the faith Timothy where he recorded this urging says much more than that. It was on Dad's mind this morning. After having a good time visiting with 3 different godly men friends, having a successful trip around the nurses station with a PT nurse, he was exhausted. He was sitting in his chair, eyes drooping. I said, "Daddy, you look really good today."

Anguish darkened his blue eyes. "I wish I felt good today." I was really surprised and asked what the problem could be.

He said, "The game has changed for me, Brenda. It's a whole new battle now." Then he went on to explain to me the dreams that are haunting his sleep.He said, "I have 5 dreams that I keep telling myself are dreams, but they seem so real." He got through 3 of them, and then, as so often happens in the hospital, the most necessary tasks have to happen at the most inopportune times. We were interrupted for about 30 minutes. At the end of it, he leaned back in his chair, and sighed so big his shrinking body shook inside the blue gown that highlights his eyes.

I asked, "Are you tired, Dad?"

"Exhausted, " he breathed.

I asked the nurses to put him in bed, and I leaned over him, kissed his forehead, and said, "Go to sleep. Daddy. I will be right here." He immediately dozed off, holding my hand. Then he awoke with a start.

Gripping my hand, he asked me in tortured tones, "Why did I steal that car? Why would I take something that wasn't mine? Why would I do such a thing?"

I told him it was a dream, he was a good man who loved and followed Jesus with all his heart, and God knew that. In a moment he repeated to himself, "Yes. A dream." In another 90 seconds, a tear rolled down his cheek from his closed eyes, and he said, "This is why I can't sleep, honey. I am afraid to go to sleep and I fight it. The dreams are so real. It takes me so long to shake it.  I want to fight the good fight, I so want to finish well. I want to leave here strong. My dreams are getting the best of me, though."

Here's the thing. Dad knows what Paul knew. The fight is not for a day, or even a decade. Dad is almost 93, following Jesus with his whole heart since he was 28. And he doesn't get to lay down his sword yet. He's at a stage of life where anyone who lives long enough will enter. His body and mind are betraying him. In his weak moments where he can't take charge of his mind and memory, his despicable Enemy uses his broken state against him. Dad has to keep fighting, because the battle is not over yet.

The greatest joy of my life in these days is to help Dad pick up the sword when his arms are weak. I am fighting with him with a vengeance. I got to remind him of the scriptures that have been his strength so long. I reminded him of the truths he has told others. We prayed together the prayers he has prayed over me many times, including personalizing Psalm 121:4, "The God who keeps Jim Mason will neither sleep nor slumber." Then I sang him to sleep with one of his favorite songs. He was gone before I got to the end, but I kept singing, because I needed it as least as much as he did:

1. Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
   Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav’n and home,
   When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
   • I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
     For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
2. “Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
   And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
   Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
3. Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
   When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
   I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

(Side note: His young father roommate, who really needs a physical and spiritual miracle,  walked around the curtain about 30 minutes later and said, "Thanks for that song and what you said to your dad. I really needed that, too." Good God.)

So here's what Paul knew and Dad knows, and I am learning deep in my heart. It is in my soul, and my heart is set to fight the good fight, and not be discouraged. I want to help Dad and myself keep grabbing hold of the eternal life to which we have been called. The day is coming when our Commander, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, will appear, and every enemy be vanquished. To Him be glory now and forever.

 But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who testified the good confession before Pontius Pilate, that you keep the commandment without stain or reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which He will bring about at the proper time—He who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone possesses immortality and dwells in unapproachable light, whom no man has seen or can see. To Him be honor and eternal dominion! Amen.