Using a Grenade When a B-B Will Do

Back in the day we had a neighbor who would use a b-b gun to rid his property of crows. I didn't like him doing that, but I would have to say I am glad his weapon of choice was the small little pellet of a B-B gun. It was clean, precise, and didn't do any collateral damage. The only one affected by the B-B was the crow it hit. Can you imagine what the carnage would have been had he lobbed a grenade at the annoying crow? Death and debris everywhere. And all unnecessary.

I think of that every day when I read my face book news feed. People are launching deadly word grenades generally at an unnamed person or persons, though many/most associates can figure it out. The words are critical, angry, condescending, accusatory, humiliating---you pick the adjective as long as it is bad. What does it accomplish? Death and destruction. Death of relationships, harsh and sad days for the targets...and here's an unintended result. Whenever a person posts something like that, they don't look large and in charge. They look petty and foolish. They appear mean-spirited, and small enough to not have a big enough life or full enough heart to overlook an offense. "It is to one's glory to overlook an offense." Proverbs 9:11

A bit of advice. If you have an issue that really needs addressed with someone/several, have the courage to do it face to face, or at least a person to person message. If it has to be addressed for health and you  can't overlook it, at least have the character to do it personally, just between you and the offending party. Your words grenades are making a mess you may never clean up.

Oh, yeah. In case you wondered,  I am talking personally to a few friends about this.

Going for the Jugular

The season 4 finale of The Walking Dead , AMC's hit show about an apocalypse of "walkers" and survivors, set a new record with 15.7 million viewers.  The episode was a doozy of a cliffhanger, and had me on the edge of my seat. Central character Rick in the prior world was an integrity-driven sheriff, and struggles with what is required to survive in the new world. Most of the people the group of survivors meet are ruthlessly evil, more to be feared than the zombies. When some of those depraved marauders surprise Rick and company in the still of the night, one holds a gun to Rick's head while the others attempt to 1) beat Rick's sidekick Daryl to death, 2) have their way with Rick's young son Carl and the lone woman in the group, Michonne, before they kill Rick. In the inevitable ensuing struggle, Joe (the incredibly bad guy) believes that he has Rick not just beaten up, but beaten. “What you gonna do now, sport?”, he taunts, inches from Rick's face.  With a nanosecond's  "whatever it takes" decision, Rick lunges forward and rips out Joe’s throat with his teeth! He severed the man's jugular vein, and Joe was powerless instantly, dead in less than a minute.

That made me think about a term I've used many times,  without truly and fully appreciating it. The jugular vein is a large and vulnerable artery in the throat which if ruptured will lead to swift death. When we say figuratively that someone "goes for the jugular" in an argument, we mean they attack ruthlessly, going straight and forcefully for someone's weak point, something they know will really hurt the other. We might attack a vital and vulnerable trait, a feature, a past failure--whatever is a sensitive area. And what's the reason we would do that? The same as Rick's motive--it's an attempt to overcome another person swiftly and totally. Maybe we're feeling attacked ourselves. Maybe we are just annoyed. Perhaps we just want to shut them down so we don't have to hear their opinions. Or it could just be that we want our own way.

So we go for the jugular. We say the thing we know will wound, hurt, shut them down. But the problem is, going for the the jugular doesn't create a minor flesh wound. Going for the jugular kills. Swiftly kills memories, relationships, possibilities. Oh, the people with the gaping wounds may still stick around, but they are the walking dead. The relationship has lost precious life.

You can make a case for going for the jugular if an enemy is actually threatening your life or that of a loved one, as in Rick's case. But to go for the jugular, you have to be in close contact. Figuratively speaking, the people with whom we are in close enough contact to know and hit their weak spot are not enemies--they are friends, family, brothers, sisters, spouses, children, parents. In a moment we have a desire to win so strong, we go for the jugular. We say the words that humiliate, hurt, horrify...we win.

But something dies. Something precious drains away.

I've been thinking. Rick's brutal bite was justified. But it was fictional. My bites are all too real, all too deadly. There's a better way. "For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." Galatians 5:14-15

Saved or lost?

 

It's been painful to hear about, excruciating to watch, and even worse to imagine. On March 8, 2014, Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 went missing with 239 souls aboard. Since the flight vanished without a clue, no trace of what could have happened, families have waited with anguish: these people we love with every fiber of our beings...are they saved or lost? The faces we cherish so dearly we have memorized every line and freckle on them--will we ever see them again? The torment of not knowing is only outweighed by the terror that perhaps your worst fear is true. They are lost. No chance to change it.

I've been with those families. I have felt their pain. I have had the sick ache in my own stomach as I wondered, "Saved or lost? Will I ever see them again?" Not from an airplane crash. Some of them left us quietly in their own beds. Some young and vibrant slipped away from us because of unwise choices, some in the peak years of life from unexpected events, some aged and weak, though still too soon. But there was a common thread. They vanished without leaving a certainty about where they went. 

Most people believe in an afterlife, especially when someone they love dies. They desperately want to believe they will see the one they love again, and so,  most are like the loved ones of the Flight 370 passengers. They cling to hope that the one they loved is saved...somewhere, regardless of the evidence or lack of it.

God calls that place heaven. He created it. As the Creator and Owner of heaven, He determines what it takes to get there, to be saved. "For God so loved the world that He gave His One and Only Son that whoever believes in Him will not be lost, but will have life forever." John 3:16  Saved or lost? We have the choice...but we have to make it before the plane goes down.

The best gift you can give yourself is to be saved. The best gift you can give those you love is to make your commitment to Jesus Christ so clear by the way you live that when the sun goes down on you, they will grieve, of course, but never be tortured by the uncertainty, "Saved or lost?" They will know--reunion ahead.

IN OUR HOME...

One of my favorite possessions is a long wall hanging in our hallway. It speaks the values my husband and I have had in our home since our beginning. And my parents raised me in just such a home. It says:

                With just a tiny tweak or two, that would aptly describe any home where grace and truth are in place, the home for which every heart longs. When a family works as it was designed, one can be sure grace and truth are always central to its success. The family is key unit intended to impact the world, and the key unit in the family as God originally designed it is husband and wife. When this relationship is right, everything else has at least a fighting chance.

            When we struggle in our marriages, we usually run to the next book, program, formula that tells us “If I do this, then he will do that." We love formulas and programs because they make us feel like we have control. But ultimately, formulas fail. Marriage is not a math problem. Formulas feed expectations, and unmet expectations are an expressway to resentment. Instead of trendy manipulations, we would do best to head for beefing up our commitment to truth and grace. Truth is giving and receiving what is real, and grace is giving and receiving unmerited favor and blessing. Put them together, and you have an invitation to authentic intimacy, the craving of all hearts in relationship.

            If we're honest, we can admit that marriage has the potential to be the most difficult of all relationships. The apostle Paul has taken considerable heat over the centuries for saying that anyone who marries will have many troubles in this life (I Corinthians 7:28), but he wasn't a marriage hater. He was a realist. Marriage unites two wildly different sets of hormones, two diverse personalities and perspectives, two extremely varying temperature preferences, and a host of other individual characteristics, then expects them to live in peace and harmony.

           The coup de grace is that the husband and wife are two adult sinners who usually add a couple of little look-alike sinners to the mix. Of course there will be many troubles.  Unless and until the truth- and-grace thing takes hold."Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16 (NIV) That's not a formula. It's an invitation to get the help we need for our relationships.(taken from Grace and Truth,  by Brenda Mason Young, (2013, Barbour Publishing, Inc.) pp.115-117

Fight the Good Fight!

Paul famously urged us to fight the good fight. But the letter to his young son in the faith Timothy where he recorded this urging says much more than that. It was on Dad's mind this morning. After having a good time visiting with 3 different godly men friends, having a successful trip around the nurses station with a PT nurse, he was exhausted. He was sitting in his chair, eyes drooping. I said, "Daddy, you look really good today."

Anguish darkened his blue eyes. "I wish I felt good today." I was really surprised and asked what the problem could be.

He said, "The game has changed for me, Brenda. It's a whole new battle now." Then he went on to explain to me the dreams that are haunting his sleep.He said, "I have 5 dreams that I keep telling myself are dreams, but they seem so real." He got through 3 of them, and then, as so often happens in the hospital, the most necessary tasks have to happen at the most inopportune times. We were interrupted for about 30 minutes. At the end of it, he leaned back in his chair, and sighed so big his shrinking body shook inside the blue gown that highlights his eyes.

I asked, "Are you tired, Dad?"

"Exhausted, " he breathed.

I asked the nurses to put him in bed, and I leaned over him, kissed his forehead, and said, "Go to sleep. Daddy. I will be right here." He immediately dozed off, holding my hand. Then he awoke with a start.

Gripping my hand, he asked me in tortured tones, "Why did I steal that car? Why would I take something that wasn't mine? Why would I do such a thing?"

I told him it was a dream, he was a good man who loved and followed Jesus with all his heart, and God knew that. In a moment he repeated to himself, "Yes. A dream." In another 90 seconds, a tear rolled down his cheek from his closed eyes, and he said, "This is why I can't sleep, honey. I am afraid to go to sleep and I fight it. The dreams are so real. It takes me so long to shake it.  I want to fight the good fight, I so want to finish well. I want to leave here strong. My dreams are getting the best of me, though."

Here's the thing. Dad knows what Paul knew. The fight is not for a day, or even a decade. Dad is almost 93, following Jesus with his whole heart since he was 28. And he doesn't get to lay down his sword yet. He's at a stage of life where anyone who lives long enough will enter. His body and mind are betraying him. In his weak moments where he can't take charge of his mind and memory, his despicable Enemy uses his broken state against him. Dad has to keep fighting, because the battle is not over yet.

The greatest joy of my life in these days is to help Dad pick up the sword when his arms are weak. I am fighting with him with a vengeance. I got to remind him of the scriptures that have been his strength so long. I reminded him of the truths he has told others. We prayed together the prayers he has prayed over me many times, including personalizing Psalm 121:4, "The God who keeps Jim Mason will neither sleep nor slumber." Then I sang him to sleep with one of his favorite songs. He was gone before I got to the end, but I kept singing, because I needed it as least as much as he did:

1. Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
   Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav’n and home,
   When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
   • I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
     For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
2. “Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
   And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
   Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
3. Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
   When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
   I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

(Side note: His young father roommate, who really needs a physical and spiritual miracle,  walked around the curtain about 30 minutes later and said, "Thanks for that song and what you said to your dad. I really needed that, too." Good God.)

So here's what Paul knew and Dad knows, and I am learning deep in my heart. It is in my soul, and my heart is set to fight the good fight, and not be discouraged. I want to help Dad and myself keep grabbing hold of the eternal life to which we have been called. The day is coming when our Commander, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, will appear, and every enemy be vanquished. To Him be glory now and forever.

 But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who testified the good confession before Pontius Pilate, that you keep the commandment without stain or reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which He will bring about at the proper time—He who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone possesses immortality and dwells in unapproachable light, whom no man has seen or can see. To Him be honor and eternal dominion! Amen.