When Life Throws You a Curve Ball

A few years ago I got the privilege of doing premarital counseling, and then "tying the knot" for a beautiful young couple. Aaron is a hero, one of our Army reservists, in additional to his daily job. Tonya is a skilled teacher. As their pastor, it has been my joy to watch them grow in their walks with Jesus, and take many steps to build their marriage and family. In the early days of their marriage, they attended DOS, a small group for young couples, and built solid friendships and relationship skills. They attended church regularly, and responded as God spoke to them. They took Financial Peace University seriously, paid off thousands of dollars of debt (even became leaders in it), and enabled themselves to buy a house that meets the needs of a growing family. Which is GREAT, because on Monday, they added their 3rd exquisite child to their family.

Their daughter, Harper Grace, is so beautiful, little chubby rolls and alert tender eyes. Her names mean "musician" and "undeserved favor", and that is perfect. I can see Harper already adding beautiful harmonies, unexpected joy and blessing, to so many lives. But Harper arrived on the tail wind of a curve ball. While they were still celebrating the joy of her arrival, sending texts to say, "She's finally here!", they received news that made their knees buckle. "Your little girl has heart problems, and she has Downs syndrome." As Tonya shared with me a few hours later through tears, "No parent ever wants to hear that their dearly loved, precious child, has major challenges to face."

I have been with other people in similar situations. Their reactions caused me to feel pity, concern, and frankly, incredible frustration. No good emotions. Not these two. Aaron and Tonya have inspired me, caused me to weep tears of joy and admiration, and deepened my own faith. Harper Grace and her family are so blessed by each other---they are already spilling over on all of us.

Let me tell you a few things they have already done right, Oh, so right. Pay attention. You are going to get a curve ball some day, too, and you'd better get ready.

1) They took the right steps BEFORE the curve ball came.
They learned to walk with Jesus and trust him.  They got rid of debt so they could have a house that fit them. They addressed potential marriage issues. They cultivated great friendships with other young couples who shared the same values (today, those friends are gathering around them as an incredible team of support.)

2) They turned TO God, not away.
They texted and called me, saying they were searching the Bible for verses to strengthen them. They were praying, believing, trusting. That's the order of every day.

3) They controlled their emotions; they didn't let their emotions control them.
Of course they cried. Of course they have wept buckets. But with the right people in the right places.
Of course they asked questions. But to the right people with the right attitude. They didn't jump on FB or twitter or the phone and say things. They went into a period of silence, except with a trusted circle, while they processed. They waited to have clear information and calm souls before they shared. They were ever so careful to not make things hard on their other two children by information getting out too early that might scare them. Oh, boy---I wish they could teach a class. So many people I care about as I do them, get a small hurt, a small disappointment, and shame themselves and their families by their emotional public reactions.

4) They even tightened their "team".
To watch Aaron and Tonya with Harper is to experience true teamwork. They are relying on each other, trusting each other, knowing how they need and value each other. The encouragement I heard them give each other would be oil to make any marriage run better.

5) They remembered their other responsibilities.
 They took care of themselves, but didn't write off the rest of the world. Of course, Harper is center stage at the moment. But as her condition stabilized, their minds quickly went to the other two children. "We need to see them. We need to spend some time with them." Sometimes we allow our curve balls to so consume us that other valuable things wither and die.

6) They processed.
They listened to everything they could learn from the hospital caregivers. They did internet research. They talked and talked some more. And they saved their words for the world until they knew just what they wanted to say.

7) They are allowing themselves to experience incredible joy, and look to the future with faith.
Harper...well, you just have to see her. She is so beautiful. She is full of everything wonderful. As her Aunt Meg expressed, "The unexpected will not define her. My niece is strong. She is beautiful. She is loved. 'For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.' (Ephesians 2:10) "(Oh yes, they have let their wonderful family in, and Team Harper is awe-inspiring!) They have owned there are challenges are ahead, but they already believe in God, themselves, and their amazing beautiful daughter they enjoy so much right now. Aaron said, "We will support and help her be all she wants to be...and she will be amazing."

I am sure she will blow the lid off in many ways. Her parents do. And they serve a God who is committed to do more than they could ever "ask, hope, or imagine, in their wildest dreams."(Ephesians 3:20)